Got it!
Alright! I've got a solution, but its a bit convoluted so bear with me.
It involves, a pre (not post) baked Pilsbury Muffin. The tentacle from a dyslexic squid (perhaps the easiest of the lot, especially if you're sadistic). The contents of a Monopoly game whose box has been shaken by a one eyed man at precisely five minutes after midnight.
A roll of pristine duct tape, with no wear at the edges that was hand woven by a well trained beaver through the antlers of an Algonquin Moose by Red Green himself.
A half cup of Friar Tuck's Questionable Quality All Purpose Flour (he was competing with Robin Hood flour after all, and all while they were competing with Five Roses and No Frills). The wing from a fly with scoliosis which is difficult as flies are invertebrates, and nobody ever wanted to cure a fly (ask Jeff Goldblum).
Oh! And the left... no wait... right eyelash from a mature and fully awake and "very upset" live tiger, extracted solitarily by hand after an excessive night of pub drinking and dart playing.
Oh, and I almost forgot on of the crucial ingredients. One half of the moustache of the French taunter from a particularly popular Monty Python movie whose name I shall refrain from saying here without proper pronunciation instructions...
Did I already say a time travelling Delorian that requires one point five gigawatts (of clean electricity after all that snivelling fuss today about clean electricity) to power it?
If we can have those in say... the next five minutes, a Witch Doctor friend of mine says that we can have a solution. Of course, my first question to this walking malpractice lawsuit was: what kind of Witches do you service? The Aerth Mother kind, or the Night Wytch kind or perhaps my personal favourite: the Aetherial Artistry kind?
His response was to add a hyphen in the correct place on the sign above his clinic's front door (Witch-Doctor), and then to give me an acetominophen tablet and then he asked me to call him in the morning.
So obviously that is not going to work, so I've come up with my own solution that doesn't involve me running around the room half naked, screaming haikus backwards while foaming at the mouth. Like I did last year (much to the chagrin of many). And the... year before.
All I can say, is watch for it. Very, Very, Very soon.
