Want A Great Laff? (For real)

Hello everyone who decided to show up to read this. 

Want to see what a black-mail scam letter looks like? 

I'm thinking this one was sent secretly by the Church Police or something of that nature in the interest of ensuring that no sinning is going on. I won't give much of my time to that topic, but as a whole it's an area of philosophy and morality pocked with dogmatic and pragmatic landmines for anyone who wishes to debate it.

Anyhow, back to the spam scam black-mail letter.

This one is absolutely great! I'm thinking about printing this on high quality paper and having it framed for my wall. If anyone else wants to copy this post or just the letter, be my guest. I'm giving this post full Creative Commons 3.0 (with attribution) if you want to add your own touches as a writer and artist, though you'll have to copy (and paste it) to your own text editor or blog to do so. For attribution, just link to my site https://www.shhhhdigital.ca. As far as crediting the scammer goes, I'll include a list of all the names they've used so far. They appear to have some kind of contextually sensitive name generator, and some of the names have significance to me that most likely could have only been gained via reading some of my rants here on my bad days.

I've added my own commentary [in brackets like these] and covered any references to any countries because I'm certain this person is lying, probably trying to create distrust between myself and one or more Asian countries. That's a constant effort by the stalking cult that subjects me to frequent harassment and something to which I'm used.

Here's something very funny. One of the apartments down the hall from mine slammed their door when I copy and pasted the letter and started this post. That's something they've done many times before to coincide with anything that breaks the illusion that they are the writer and creator of Shhhh! Digital Media. That would mean that apartment likely has access to whatever illegal surveillance output there is spying on my computer.

From what I understand, the person who slammed the door is either a guitar player, or a room mate of a guitar player, likely the same person attempting to steal the credit for The Butterfly Dragon and A Lady's Prerogative here on Shhhh! Digital Media. As I stated earlier, there are a number of people who are spying illegally on my computer despite the fact there's no justification other than to achieve something criminal in doing so.

In posting this letter you can see there is no credence to it whatsoever and honestly, the first time I read it I nearly broke a rib laughing.

Insofar as my own private time goes, especially involving anything to do with sexuality, I feel there is nothing wrong with adult sexuality at all, but it is a private matter and something deserving of protection. Especially when it involves more than one person, but at the same time just as deserving if it involves only one person. 

Chances are this is something that many people have received, but I thought what a laff it would be to share it along with some commentary.

So in the interest of completely undermining any possible respect you may have had for me and my possible couth, all while bottom dredging the internet for viable content in the absence of my continued writing of The Butterfly Dragon, A Lady's Prerogative, Stories From The End or anything else, I give you...

Shhhh! Digital Media Presents: 

Spam Scam Black-Mail Letter Sent To Me


I'm the [Asian Country] software engineer who hacked into your device OS.

I've been watching you for month now. 

[A voyeur? I guess we all have our thing, don't we? Obviously he's playing on my frequent allusion to illegal spying of my computer.]

The thing is, you've been infected with malware through the adult website you visited... 

[I haven't been infected. Computer and device virii cannot infect biological organisms. Yet. As for the second part of his introductory sentence, alright, I admit it. I'm an R18 member. Caught, red handed.]

I have downloaded all confidential information from your system and I got some more evidence.

In case you're not familiar with it, I'll explain.

The virus gives me full access and control over your computer or any other device on your network. It means that I can see everything on your screen, turn on your camera and microphone, but you don't know about it. I also have access to all of your phone and email contacts, as well as access to your social media accounts.

[Insofar as control goes, I don't think so. I mean he didn't control the computer into NOT posting this. I'm guessing he must have seen the contact information for the RCMP and the FBI amongst those contacts then, as there aren't any other contacts.]

Why didn't your antivirus detect any malware?

[Probably because there isn't any malware.]

Answer: My malware uses a low-level device driver build-in your CPU and I update its signatures every 4 hours to keep your antivirus silent. I made a screen recording of you masturbating.

[Installing low level drivers in a computer is somewhat trivial if the account you're operating through has administrative access. On an android phone on the other hand, the phone has to be rooted and operating under the root user to install any low level drivers, all of which are Unix/Linux based. My phone doesn't have a front facing camera, only the back one which is covered most often. Besides, I only masturbate in the dark out of paranoia because someone is spying on my computer illegally 😉]

On one side of the screen is the video you're watching at the moment and on the other side is your satisfied face. With one click, I can send this video to all your contacts.

[Satisfied? I can see the advertising for the alleged video I'm supposedly watching on this non-existent video: Another Satisfied Customer! As far as sending this video to my contacts does? That would be great! It would save me the time, and I could even pay him for doing it. The only thing is that he'd have to wait  five years to get the money. That's close to the minimum length of prison sentence he'd receive for blackmail.]

Do you want to prevent it?

[No. Not at all. By all means, send it. I'm actually hoping they're reading this post and getting a good laugh out of it.]

I understand your concern. Especially since the video was quite vulgar, I can't imagine the embarrassment you will feel when your colleagues, friends and relatives see it.

[Vulgar? Stop the press! Maybe I can talk this through with him. Have him upload it to Porn Hub in exchange for a little advertising revenue, which I would be more than happy to split with him. Actually I think 75% for me and 25% for him simply because if there's anything to see at all, its my academy award winning performance of being SATISFIED that is earning that revenue.]

If you need to erase all of your collected data just send 0.015 btc (Bitcoin) to a wallet that was specially generated for your email address.


[That's $50,223.04 Canadian at the time of this writing. Not bad. Sounds like a lucrative business! I'm on my way to start a crowdfunding page to help me stop the release of this blackmail video. If I get anything from crowdfunding, I'm going to blackmail myself every week for the rest of my life. Then, I'm going to make a how-to make money on the internet video about how I did it, and make even more!]

Yes, it's that simple! My script will detect the transaction to the wallet and will automatically delete all the dirt that was collected on you.

[If Alomera Zek had started his criminal blackmail empire this way, he'd have died of old age long before earning enough to acquire Treadwater Island and its accompanying resort. Hence, The Butterfly Dragon would have likely been a really, really short book. More like a pamphlet, actually.]

I will give you 48 hours to pay.

[I've received this letter many times, each time with a different deadline, all of which have passed. My email integrated spam catcher is literally full of these letters. Kind of like that religious guy who kept predicting the apocalypse and then getting stage fright an hour or two before the deadline, prompting him to change it again and again and again...]

Do not try to reply to this email, it makes absolutely no sense (the sender's email address as well as the Bitcoin wallet were generated automatically especially for you and cannot be traced). I don't make mistakes.

[I'm guessing he didn't read my contact list. His first mistake.]

If I see that you've shared this message with someone else (for example, it will be open on a different device than yours), the video will instantly start being sent out to your contact list.

[Did he say I shouldn't share it? Oops!]

Take it easy. Take it as a little life lesson and be more careful in the future.

Good luck with that. Bye. ❤️

[Awwwwwe! He even gave me a heart. I feel so special now. Maybe he liked the video and he's keeping it in his personal collection. Maybe I should ask him to send a copy to my love interest, though I don't think she'd be as much impressed as she'd be in stitches from laughter, if as he says, its vulgar and there's anything to see. There's a small chance she might actually read this and if she did, she'd definitely laugh.

Tybi Chrosniak

Edie Nquyen

Jaye Avance

Bee Srsic

Dian Talerico

Britte Gurrieri

[That's the signatures he's used so far.]

The End

I know. This is a long way from Butterfly Dragon or A Lady's Prerogative. This is actually more along the lines of the Last Lonely Lounge Comic and that's where this will end up.

As far as other new content is concerned, I'm still holding off. In case you get the idea that you might try to blackmail me for new chapters for A Lady's Prerogative III: Singularity or Stories From The End, learn from this spammer's letter and weep.

To my loyal and non-harassing readers, have a great night. Miss you. And as usual, hate doesn't mean love and love doesn't mean hate.

This was taken in November 2021
Brian Joseph Johns



Remember, I'm not Jake N. I'm not Bobby. I don't play guitar and I'm not Chuck.

I'm 6'0" tall and weigh about 172 lbs. on a good day. On a bad day, 175 lbs. I'm not as active as I used to be, but my body takes good care of me.

This was taken March 16, 2022